Correction Please

Sometimes I feel that I can be a good poet but when I try to do so, I get confused but finally I have done something & now I need that you guys try to find where is the mistake & correct it. I will be thankful to you. So please help me.

Kabhi

Kabhi Lagta hai wo mera hai

Usi ka dil mein basera hai

Kabhi apna sa, to kabhi begana

Kabhi sodaai, to kabhi harjai

Meri ankhon mein us ka sapna hai

Kya wo sangdil humsafar mera hai

Main us ke chah mein pagal hoon

Use toot ke chahe dil mera hai

Ankhon mein us ka nasha

Honton pe use ka naam

Us ke pooja ab to karna

Jugnoo 😀 kaam tera hai

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6 Responses to “Correction Please”


  1. 1 khawab Decembro 14, 2006 je 12:38 atm

    hhmmm i do love readin poetry….but i am no big poet…..
    but u have done a really gud job….
    i’ll ask mom (cuz she is a poet n she knows a lot….but da problem is she dont really have time for all this anymore) even when i want ma short stories or novels to b reviewed….she would jst skim through it….. 😦 so cant promise ya… will try

  2. 2 jugnoo Decembro 14, 2006 je 11:54 atm

    Thanks Khwab! 😀 I will wait for

  3. 4 jugnoo Decembro 14, 2006 je 5:34 ptm

    Thanks GH 😀 i am excited

  4. 5 razarumi Januaro 25, 2007 je 10:25 ptm

    great effort..likhte raho aur khud hi apna tarz-e-bayaan banaa lo ge..

    how about this

    Us ke pooja ab to karna

    Jugnoo ab tera yehi kaam

    yeh pehlay walon se kuch ham-wazan ho jaye ga…

    bohat khoob- lagta hai ke ishq ki kissi manzil se guzr rahain hain janaab….

  5. 6 jugnoo Januaro 27, 2007 je 5:22 ptm

    Lolz, razarumi asal main aisa kuch hai to sahi lakin nahi b hai. Thanks for coming by & for apriciation


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